Dear Friends,

I am happy to bring you some happy news. As some of you had already known that I had met a special woman in my life but what is now news is that we are engaged to get married on October 25^th, of 2002

I am so excited!! It is like another piece in the call of God has come into my life. And that word in Genesis, that "it is not good that man is alone," has come alive.

I went to California in 1998 and then in the fall entered a Bible School in Irvine, Ca. Of course it was exciting to be there and then to be around Godly people and all was just tremendous. But one of the rules was to agree to not date. At first it was difficult, but as time went by it became easier and then after awhile the desire to marry just sort of disappeared. Not completely though!

I had read many books over the years and had listened to many tapes and was convinced that in some miraculous way the relationship would just "happen."

Well , I figured that was that and would wait and in the meantime just work on "becoming" a great husband for whenever this miracle would take place. Instead of "looking" for the "perfect" woman, I decided to work of "becoming" a great man for my potential woman whomever that would be!!

I worked on my finances and worked on becoming a man that a Godly woman would enjoy and appreciate.

This went on for about one and one half years, until an annual meeting at the church that I was attending in August of 2001.

I had known Vera since the summer of 1998 before entering bible school. I remember talking about nutrition and health! What else other than God!! Hah, hah!!

And then after that only brief "hellos" from time to time mostly during the annual celebration in August. She had been in another country for two years working for the church.

Now during the August 2001 annual event, Vera had come back from her assignment and was in California for this event and before heading back to Holland.

Greg and Vera said hello, and looked at some pictures, and then I asked her to Disney land. A few things were strange here. One, I hadn’t asked anyone for more than two years to go on a date. Secondly, I don’t like Disneyland, only going 2 x in almost 4 years living of living in California. Lastly, my dad was visiting with me and that meant going with my dad.

Now, I must confess, I was attracted to Vera, and I knew she was on the same path as I was. However, I did ask God if it was okay to date. Why? I believe that it is too easy to get into an "apparent" great relationship and then find oneself in something that is not good and very hard to get out of.

After asking God, and feeling a sense that is was okay to ask, I then asked Vera, and she said "yes," after thinking about it for a day.

We had a great time, and we then began to talk and see each other a bunch more times. Both of us wanting to get enough information to make a decision whether to proceed to the next level of a relationship, or not, since Vera lived in Holland and was heading there in two weeks. Holland is 9 hours time difference from California. So before committing to a relationship that long away and realizing the difficulties that would be involved, we both wanted to know enough about each other.

Some would say, well it is such a short time, but remember we were just deciding if we wanted to stay in contact when she went home. We decided to stay in touch and began communicating by email, instant chat and telephoning .06/min with Bigzoo.com! Thank you bigzoo.com!!

I believe this was one of the foundational steps in our relationship. Communication is ultra important and when you can’t see each other physically, then all you have is talking. So we talked, and we talked. Not just fun things but serious things. Trust began to be developed that we would be open and honest with each other. Not just saying what we think the other wants to hear. How can you tell? When you say things knowing that you are taking a risk of being rejected. Of saying things the other might judge and not be able to handle. For instance, if you know that the other feels very strongly about something and to tell them something about yourself that would conflict with that, then that is very risky. Many times it is easier to just not not say anything until a "safer" time, fore instance after they are married or until something else forces it to be exposed. In either case, it is too late for the other.

Dating is fine but risky. Emotions can get heavy and then get in the way of commonsense and what God wants or even intervere with the timing of God. In other words, the right relationship being pushed too fast can create many problems.

In communicting, via the phone and Yahoo, Instant Chats, we devloped a strong foundation, and a wonderful relationship. What we find so amazing is the pure enjoyment that is possible just by talking. Sometimes in a physical dating situation, it is so easy to think you are having a great time, but end up not building anything of value. Both Vera and Greg understood this and began to realize that God was doing this for a reason. It was very difficult with the time differences and all, but we saw the results. 6 months without seeing each other is a pretty long time. It takes a lot of trust, a lot of God and a lot of commitment.

We were not sure we would be able to see enough of each other to make a decison. Being in person seems so real, and so it seems to be a sure way to determine another's assets and liabilities. How much can one discover on a phone?!

To be sure it is amazing! When two people are being "real" and authentic with each other watch the conflicts that develop.What a great opportunity to grow. Or leave! Conflicts can drive people apart but they can create a deepening closeness and trust when handled effectively. Some believe that many great marriages are not conflict-free, but rather have a way of handling conflicts that creates a true freedom. To be real in a relationship, to be yourself with another. To have permission to be real. That is a great freedom leading to great things in relationships.

Marriages, many say, are not made up of two "perfect" people. But rather, marriages are two "imperfect" people made pefect in the relationship. God will take two imperfect people, not the two "right" people. He will take two imperfect people and make a "perfect" relationship. God doesn't tell us too much in the Bible, on how to pick the "right" person. But He sure does say a lot about how to be the "right" person once in a relationship. So the key here is in not so much in the picking, but rather in the being.

Many of us grow up thinking that we have to find the "right" person. But rather perhaps it is more important to "be" the right person. And instead of looking, rather, wait for the season. Wait for the timing. And while waiting start becoming.

As the months went by, we discovered many solid things about each other. For instance, in communicating which we both like to do, we talked about many things and did not avoid speaking about more difficult things. Trusting each other and risking was important.

In addition, being 7,000 miles apart, across a nation, an ocean and a culture, can be pretty intimidating on ones security blanket. At least when dating in person, you can see each other, and get an idea where each other is at. But on the phone, you have to take each others word for it. That can be very difficult if one has an insecurity or co-dependence streak. Also, another strength, is that we like to resolve things quickly in appropriate timing, and we both are willing to admit mistakes and apologize promptly.

So October goes by and then November and onto December. Greg kept on wanting to know from God, "Is this the one?", and He would keep hearing, "You’ll know when and what to do in time." He would get very frustrated as he wanted to know a simple "yes" or  "no", and hewanted it then, now!! HeI didn't believe in continuing in something without knowing the outcome first. God was getting me to trust in Him without knowing all the answers ahead of time. It was difficult for him. Vera was a little more mature in that area.

She didn’t feel a strong sign one way or the other. She was happy with the relationship, but wanted to avoid making a decision., When talk of marriage would be discussed then we both felt a check.

So we enter the Christmas season of that same year, 2001, an event occurs in Vera’s life that contributes to her putting the brakes on the relationship. Vera couldn't decide what to do. Greg had a difficult time dealing with that. We got to the point where we both let go completely. We both decided to end it completely in January. I decided that this event was the information that God was referring to, meaning, "I would know in time what to do", and this seemed like an obvious sign to end it. So with much pain I gave the relationship back to God, saying, "She is yours, Lord, you can have this. I will not get involved again, unless and until YOU give her back to me." I cried almost all day, and later began to feel a peace inside, that everything would be okay. In time, and due to fasting and prayer, I began to strengthen and be fine being single. For about two or three weeks . Vera and I would talk but only once in awhile and for about 4 or 5 minutes and no discussion about anything really. Vera was praying and had let go too. And for a good time we didn't talk at all.

In addition to this, Greg had started fasting on January 1'st, no water or food for 3 days and then limited food for the next 30 or so days.. He got much closer to God which turned out to be so important when the relationship ended. . He was praying, worshipping, and reading the bible. It was easier for him with more time available due to not eating much or often. Supernatural visions were experienced too.

For instance, one day during the fast, Greg becomes awere that he disobeyed God by talking about relationship plans with Vera, minor stuff he had thought before, but now felt God was revealing why the relationship had ended. So one day, he is sitting at home in his room at his desk and was seeing a barren field, just lifeless and he asked God, "What is this?" and that is when the thought of disobeying came into his head and that it was tied to the relationship. He started to cry very deeply and thought that the relationship was "really" over. He was truly sorry but thought there was nothing to be done. But he decided to ask God for forgiveness and all of a sudden that barren land turned into a field of flowers and the thought "When the flowers bloom, good things will come", came into his mind. A new hope that everything would be okay, was now being experienced. The true meaning of the vision would be learned later.

Now, Vera and Greg recently decided to terminate the relationship. Vera had said, "no." She was in the process of getting the emotional ties decreased to be able to make a better decision. And, Greg hadn't yet given the relationship up emotionally or with his desires. About a week later, Greg gave it up to Jesus, saying," Jesus, I give this to you, in faith, knowing that you can give it back, but I will bow out, but in case you have given her to me and I am in a reaction, then I will take her back and treat her as Your chosen for me. But I want you to do it. I will not pursue anything and I will get back to my single life. I will obey what ever you tell me, but I am ending this now." I cried and cried as I released her to Him. Greg gave up his hope, his desires, and his pursuits. He now knew it was over.

A lot of emotional pain for the most part of a morning and afternoon was experienced and Greg had cried very deeply and loudly. But then a peace began to come over him. A tangible feeling of peace and release was felt and he knew that he was being delivered from much grief. A new freedom came and with it a new acceptance of being okay with the thought of no Vera in his life or in the foreseeable future. He began to experience life as he had before dating.

They didn't call for about 15 days which is pretty amazing since they were talking for about 2 hours EVERY day!!!

Then Greg got an email from her,unexpectedly. He thought that she was just being nice, and being a "friend". In response, Greg sent her a simple electronic card from BlueMountain. Then Vera sent another little one sentence email . This began a little movement of the relationship. Greg was okay with this but a little cautious of getting emotionally tied again. Vera had had some experiences and wanted to share them with Greg, but she was nervous about how Greg would feel about starting again, after what had transpired previously. So she was just kind of testing the waters, so to speak. And she held onto her "news!"

After about two weeks of emails every now and then, they make their first phone call. The calls lasted just a few minutes at first. But Greg began to notice that the resistance that had been there before the breakup, was now not there. But still a little cautious of things he didn't say anything. The calls began to last longer and longer. And Greg thought this strange. He figured, as the boldness came out in him, that he would find out what is going on. So he decides to ask Vera, "Vera, ummm, this is kind of different, is there anything you want to tell me?"

Vera, nervously and in taking a risk said, "Greg, I choose to be with you!"

Greg can't believe what he is hearing, and after a moment of silence, which is unusual for him, he says, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!"

Vera,with a new confidence repeated herself, "I choose to be with YOU!"

With Greg's heart racing, and tears coming down his face, he says, to get further clarification to see if what he is hearing is what he thinks it means, "Could you explain that a little more?"

Vera then explains that she had been praying and giving it some time, and wanted to make a clear decision without the emotional and soulish pulls. She felt God was giving her an ability to make a clear decision. She had been concerned that Greg might not be able to get over the situation that had happened in Dec/Jan. She explains, and Greg reassures her that as long as she is deciding and commiting, then he feels comfortable in going ahead." She then reassures him and they both decide to go forward.

They had built a strong foundation of trust and caring. Openness and honesty, and acceptance of each other had been experienced and worked on. They had risked rejection, exposing themselves to each other. And then, a strange detour. Maybe from God, or maybe God just used it to get some work done in them. Her to make a decision and be clear about it. There had been such a pull for another due to words spoken, and other's opinions, and then to think about what she and Greg had built. But Vera was committed to doing what God wanted. She set apart to get time alone with God, away from the emotions. And Greg, to be patient, and accepting of the future without having to know everything in advance. To have faith!! God was telling him to just, "wait. You will see for yourself." But Greg wanted to know now!! Lord just tell me, "Yes, or No, I can't deal with not knowing." Both of them grew in those areas. Vera to be able to choose, and Greg, to wait and commit without knowing all the answers!

Now here they were in late February, early March, deciding what to do. One thing that Greg did that was so important, Vera believes. Greg had listened to Vera that day back in late December, without overreacting.

He was listening to news that to him was so painful, but was able to hear it without hurting Vera. He listened and was able to be a friend. He didn't push her to make a decision one way or another. He stayed neutral and encouraged her only to make the "right" Godly decision. Vera knew that, but was impressed with Greg's God given ability to handle such discouraging news.

Both of us were so excited! To Greg this was a miracle!. He wasn't expecting anything and it seemed like a total surprise! And Vera, was excited by the power of making a committed choice. To make a decision and then make that decision "right." Not so much to make the "right" decision, although that is important, but to make a decision and then to commit to make that decision right by commiting to excellence. To create "rightness" by creating excellence due to one's commitment to make a decision and then towork at it. To work at the relationship. Many think PICKING the "right" person will somehow insure against a "bad" relationship. That somehow, picking is the key. But one of the things we miss with that behavior, is the commitment to work through things. On the one hand, we want to pick to eliminate or minimize problems. On the other hand, let's commit to deal with the problems effectively. One way is in avoiding, the other way is in dealing or confronting.

Vera and Greg now understood the importance of choice and commitment. God wants us to put Him first, but He wants us to decide and commit to things too. In addition, the energy that we previously put into choosing can now be put into, making the relationship excellent. So it explodes with life and love. Growth occurs at an accelerated pace.

Pr. 37:04, says, Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I

We both believed that and were overjoyed. They decided that Greg would come to Holland to visit and to strengthen the relationship. By the time Greg got to Europe, it had been about 6 months since the last time they had been with each other. The last time had been in Los Angeles airport, back in early October 2001.

Now here it was late March, and Greg had been planning on proposing to Vera in Venice on a canal boat sometime later in his trip. He figured that he would buy a ring while they were in Europe but God had other plans. Without a ring and in the beautiful town of Schalkwijk, Netherlands, and on the first night of being in Europe to see the love of his life, Greg proposed to Vera, right there on his knees by the side of the car and in the mud.

He said, "Vera, I promise to love you, to honor you and to take care of, till death do me part. Will you marry me?"

There, at Vera's home in the country, with the farm odors in the air and with the sun setting over a beautiful land, she said, "Yes, Greg, I will marry you!"

It was wonderful! They both embraced. Vera was overjoyed and Greg was crying. His mind had been saying, "Wait for a better time. Where's the ring? And there with his orginal plans by the wayside they made a convenant together.

They started making plans and setting dates. See you in October. Hope you can make it.

Learn more as they chronicle this event as it unfolds.

Truly, God is wonderful,and He will give you the desires of your heart as you follow Him!

Things Vera likes about Greg: Spontaneous, good cook.

Things Greg likes about Vera: Committed, can make an awesome tiramisu, plus she's gorgeous!!!!

2/27/02

Hi Vera,
The woman of my dreams. I just want to give and give to you. I will risk everything to give you the best. To me commitment is key. I am commited to you and this relationship. I want it to be an example of God's power of love. Just as the apostles were told that the love they showed each other to be an example to others, that others would be able to tell that something was different with these apostles. So too, we shall share and give this type of love to each other. I to you and you to me, and the relationship will bloom and the flowers and fragance of love will affect others. Just as our conversations have been noticed as different and powerful so too will our commitment to each other and this relationship.

I am so happy. I will keep praying for you and your family.
I will provide and take care of you.
I want to be the best for you. Something you will treasure.
I have never met anyone like you. You are so beautiful to me. I haven't seen you in months but the beauty that I see when I think of you is so spectacular!!
I know it is from the conversations and who we are to each other and what you have meant to me. The sacrifice you have paid to be with me and encourage me, to share your feelings, and being open with your thoughts and feelings, has been so fulfilling to me. I notice it and appreciate it. I love the way you listen to me, and make me feel important to you. I value this and hold it in a truly valuable way.

I know that together our love for each other will grow and that for the Lord will get stronger and better too. I am excited to be part of something special. I can feel the growth that has taken place in both of us and am so encouraged and joyful.
It is amazing isn't it?

Vera, you are special!
I love you and want the best for you,

Have a beautiful day, sweetheart!!

Love,

Greggie :)